Crabs in a bucket
I have a question. It's one I don't think anyone really has the answer to, but one that I will ask nonetheless...why are we as a people such crabs in the bucket? I mean, I'd really like to know the answer to that because I just don't get it.I guess I should back up. I'll admit it, I'm a little niave, maybe even a little too nice. And as my friends always tell me, just a little too open about my business. I think it's because I like to beleive that people are generally good, but the further I climb up this literary ladder, I'm just not sure if that's the case anymore. And that's a sad testament.You'd think with success would come people - especially our people - who are happy for you, happy to see a sistah living her dreams. But again, if anything, I'm finding more and more, dare I say it - haters. That's such a strong word because it makes it seem like I have something someone should be jealous of, but I don't. I'm just a sistah who went after, and is achieving her dream. To me, that should warrant respect, not hate. But on the contrary, take an email (addressed to someone else) that I received last week (who I have to even question the sender's motive in forwarding it to me). I've never done anything to the person who wrote the email, but she proceeded to talk about how I think I'm all that because my books are doing well. (Are we back in the 8th grade??) That's asinine. I'm the same down-home girl from Smackover, Arkansas that I was when I was pushing my self published books on the corner. I didn't change. People changed toward me.Or take the fellow author who asked why I was always helping "wanna-be" authors, or promoting other authors "for free." That too, is crazy. I've been so blessed because I live my life trying to be a blessing to others. My friends tell me, forget those people who spew their negativity. I wish I didn't care. I wish it didn't bother me. But it's my nature to care and wish that we as a people could get away from that crab mentality and figure out that when one of us succeeds, we all do. Maybe it's a pipe dream. But hey I'm a writer, I'm supposed to dream.
posted by ReShonda Tate Billingsley @ 11:07 PM
20 Comments:
At 10:27 AM,
Kimiko Jones said…
Hello Reshonda,
I just read your "Crabs in a bucket"
and I must say that I can't understand why some people have to be so evil or (haters).I love to read and I get so excited when I see success happen to so many wonderful writers,but sometimes we as black people just don't know how to be happy for each other,we talk about,put down and try to hurt each other to make us feel better about oneself.I think it started back in slavery times,light skin being better than dark skin,good hair and bad hair,smell lip vs big lip.We as blacks have learned to put each other down.It is sad but I think very ture.Sometimes we forget that the blessings that God have giving us we need to give back also.You have remember that as so many others should.And as you said when one of us succeeds we all do.Lets hope more people can see it that way.
Kimiko
At 12:08 PM,
webmaster said…
I just wanted to stop by and encourage you after reading your post. You have a right to your success and have worked hard for it--choose not to be offended and know that there are more people out there pulling for you than against you. Be encouraged. Maya once said, "When people show you who they are, believe them ..."
Loved the new YA book. I'm waiting on the next installment.
Jacquelin
At 9:54 AM,
Pam said…
Hey Soror,
I think we can take'um! LOL! Just kidding. Don't let anyone steal your joy. You are a beautiful spirit, and God has blessed you with a talent. There is always going to be someone that has the devil in them. Pray for them, and move on.
Continue to capture a vision fair, do things worthwhile, and always with a smile.
Your Soror (and Webmaster)
pw2
At 10:43 PM,
tryvye said…
Ms. Billingsly, those with a crab mentality dwell in pity, self-defeat because they'll never realize their greatness in anything they do, because they fail to see the significance of serving others.
www.myspace.com/tryvye
Phiskee!
At 8:30 PM,
Van said…
Why do we use the term "crabs in a bucket" when referring to blacks? We do not have a patent on jealousy or envy. If this is so of blacks, then we have no one to blame but ourselves - for we have what we have spoken. God created the whole world by speaking and it now exists by the power of His word. We are created in his image and we have what we say. Our words have power. Jealousy is not a respecter of persons. Why do we tolerate from other races what we will not tolerate from our own? Your success should be and is celebrated by others, just be careful that a whole race is not blamed for a negative human behavior displayed by a few.
At 8:54 AM,
brandonjames said…
Reshonda don't worry about a damn thang.I'll read everything you write and I know it's going to be good.Claim your success and everything that comes with it/You know what you are all that.You are all the author I'll ever need.Keep doin what you doin girl and what I learned is that if you don't have haters then you not doin something right because if your books were shit then they wouldn't hate.Kill the flies and claim the prize
At 5:07 AM,
Barbara said…
Reshonda,
I sat next to you on the plane ride to the Writer's League of Texas Conference last June. I also attended the seminar presented by you and other sister writers. I was encouraged by your kind words and great advice. I'm grateful that you are open to sharing with up and coming writers. I stayed the course and my book should be out in a couple of months. Thank you for blessing me with your kindness. May God continue to bless you. Psalms 37
At 5:42 PM,
Lori Bryant-Woolridge said…
Reshonda,
You may talk funny :-) but you are one of the most generous and talented women I know. Those who hate get in their own way because they're so busy worry about everyone else. Don't change a thing. Your continued journey onwards and upwards is enough payback to the haters and an inspiration to the rest of us. Stay Fantastik!!
At 9:05 AM,
Mary B said…
Hi Reshonda
How are you? I hope you remember me from Langston, Oklahoma. You covered a story for me about a man defrauding me out of my money that was to be used for a business loan for my beauty supply. It's been approximately 7 years ago. I've been an entrepreneur for about 12 years. I've had many struggles since that incident happened. I haven't given up but I know all of my struggles and pain is just a reflection of my past and where I've been and where the Lord is taking me. I have many testimonies to share with the world. I just received your book last night from a friend, "I Know I've Been Changed". When I saw your picture I said she looks familiar, then it dawned on me, you covered my story. You were the first person I thought of and the first person I called. I didn't know you're the author of this great book. Congratulations, kinda late but, wow! I'm going to start reading it today. I read your "Crabs in a Bucket". It made me cry. I can also relate to your story. Just like your sorror stated in her post "There is always going to be someone that has the devil in them. Pray for them, and move on".
Boy, if my people would stick together and help one another instead of watching to see if you're going to fall, or say insensitive things against our accomplishments we'd be farther along. You keep sowing your time to the people. Worldly people don't understand God's principle. His word says we reap what we sow, His word says when we give it will be given back to us pressed down shaken together running over, Hallelujah! You are blessed! Your work is not in vain. Keep sowing whatever the Lord puts on your heart. I am so happy for you. You have a genuine heart that truly cares for people. I know sometimes what people say bother us, it bothers me, sometimes. Don't let it. God is on your side. I've heard some of the things what people are saying about me. "Mary is always doing something. What business is she in now" She always quit everything she starts, she not going anywhere", etc. I'm so tired of hearing that. I wrote a play 2 years ago. The Lord inspired me to write this play. I had no idea that I could write anything. I've never written anything never before in my life. Never had any training of how the format should be. I'm 46 years old. When the Lord gave it to me 2 years ago I'd written 10 pages of the script within 24 hours. I had my first curtain March 29th 2008 in OKC.I accomplished something great in my life. We received a standing ovation. The Lord brought this play into full fruition. I am so excited about this production. We will be taking this production on the road. Just to tell a few of my struggles, I've struggled to find the right cast, I had to start over and over approx 5 times. I had to wear all the hats: writer, producer, stage manager, co-director, manager, props person etc. Whew! I'm tired. The Lord blessed this play. I didn't quit, I didn't give up as people thought I would and actually the ones that knew me probably thought I was going to fail. They didn't offer any help. The Lord provided. I think the Lord wanted that way so He can get all the glory because it was Him who finished it and gave me the strength to endure. I wanted to quit many times but I stayed in with it. My hats goes off to you Reshonda, I applaud you for your accomplishments. I've had people give me advice but never asked for if I needed help and they knew I needed the help. They were in a position to help me but because money wasn’t involved, it was their reason for not helping. When a person helps God's people God is going to bless them. Look at Tyler Perry, one person believed in him and because that one person sowed into Tyler's life he is soooo blessed today because of it. I'm praying for a person to believe in me and what God has given me so I can take this play across the country. It's so needed. It's a Christian play It deals with domestic violence and suicide. Women stay in abusive relationships for years for various reasons and become controlled and manipulated by their mate. Some end up attempting suicide and some succeed. Every 90 seconds a women commit suicide. That is an alarming rate. The children are carrying the affects of this pain to school and teachers are not knowing what to do. This is a strong message and is viewable for the general audience. Young men need to know how to treat women and girls need to learn from their fathers of how they should be treated. Wow, I've said a lot Reshonda. I will continue in what God has given me and I know He will open the door for someone to take a look at this play and they'd be interested in assisting me. Now, I want you to know you are an inspiration to me and many others as well. Stay strong and keep your head up. I love you sista and GOD bless you. If you would like to contact me you can contact me a 405-466-9250
My email address is boylesmary@sbcglobal.net
At 9:06 AM,
Mary B said…
Hi Reshonda
How are you? I hope you remember me from Langston, Oklahoma. You covered a story for me about a man defrauding me out of my money that was to be used for a business loan for my beauty supply. It's been approximately 7 years ago. I've been an entrepreneur for about 12 years. I've had many struggles since that incident happened. I haven't given up but I know all of my struggles and pain is just a reflection of my past and where I've been and where the Lord is taking me. I have many testimonies to share with the world. I just received your book last night from a friend, "I Know I've Been Changed". When I saw your picture I said she looks familiar, then it dawned on me, you covered my story. You were the first person I thought of and the first person I called. I didn't know you're the author of this great book. Congratulations, kinda late but, wow! I'm going to start reading it today. I read your "Crabs in a Bucket". It made me cry. I can also relate to your story. Just like your sorror stated in her post "There is always going to be someone that has the devil in them. Pray for them, and move on".
Boy, if my people would stick together and help one another instead of watching to see if you're going to fall, or say insensitive things against our accomplishments we'd be farther along. You keep sowing your time to the people. Worldly people don't understand God's principle. His word says we reap what we sow, His word says when we give it will be given back to us pressed down shaken together running over, Hallelujah! You are blessed! Your work is not in vain. Keep sowing whatever the Lord puts on your heart. I am so happy for you. You have a genuine heart that truly cares for people. I know sometimes what people say bother us, it bothers me, sometimes. Don't let it. God is on your side. I've heard some of the things what people are saying about me. "Mary is always doing something. What business is she in now" She always quit everything she starts, she not going anywhere", etc. I'm so tired of hearing that. I wrote a play 2 years ago. The Lord inspired me to write this play. I had no idea that I could write anything. I've never written anything never before in my life. Never had any training of how the format should be. I'm 46 years old. When the Lord gave it to me 2 years ago I'd written 10 pages of the script within 24 hours. I had my first curtain March 29th 2008 in OKC.I accomplished something great in my life. We received a standing ovation. The Lord brought this play into full fruition. I am so excited about this production. We will be taking this production on the road. Just to tell a few of my struggles, I've struggled to find the right cast, I had to start over and over approx 5 times. I had to wear all the hats: writer, producer, stage manager, co-director, manager, props person etc. Whew! I'm tired. The Lord blessed this play. I didn't quit, I didn't give up as people thought I would and actually the ones that knew me probably thought I was going to fail. They didn't offer any help. The Lord provided. I think the Lord wanted that way so He can get all the glory because it was Him who finished it and gave me the strength to endure. I wanted to quit many times but I stayed in with it. My hats goes off to you Reshonda, I applaud you for your accomplishments. I've had people give me advice but never asked for if I needed help and they knew I needed the help. They were in a position to help me but because money wasn’t involved, it was their reason for not helping. When a person helps God's people God is going to bless them. Look at Tyler Perry, one person believed in him and because that one person sowed into Tyler's life he is soooo blessed today because of it. I'm praying for a person to believe in me and what God has given me so I can take this play across the country. It's so needed. It's a Christian play It deals with domestic violence and suicide. Women stay in abusive relationships for years for various reasons and become controlled and manipulated by their mate. Some end up attempting suicide and some succeed. Every 90 seconds a women commit suicide. That is an alarming rate. The children are carrying the affects of this pain to school and teachers are not knowing what to do. This is a strong message and is viewable for the general audience. Young men need to know how to treat women and girls need to learn from their fathers of how they should be treated. Wow, I've said a lot Reshonda. I will continue in what God has given me and I know He will open the door for someone to take a look at this play and they'd be interested in assisting me. Now, I want you to know you are an inspiration to me and many others as well. Stay strong and keep your head up. I love you sista and GOD bless you. If you would like to contact me you can contact me a 405-466-9250
My email address is boylesmary@sbcglobal.net
At 8:29 AM,
Cynthia said…
Hi Reshonda,
I believe that we as a people are "crabs in a bucket" because of a deceptive jealous spirit that has influenced our minds. Most of the time we see the potential in others and allow it to overshadow the fact that we too can accomplish what God has for us. Alot of times, instead of seeking God for the gift/talent He has given us personally, we want what someone else has. God designed us each uniquely. I'm not supposed to accomplish your goals/desires. Your'e not suppose to accomplish mine. If we could receive & understand that revelation, we may go to the next level. Then sad but true, the majority of us don't want to do what it takes to succeed. Be encouraged my sista and ask God to equip you with a deliverence of "people" and be the woman of God he has destined for you to be. You will never satisfy everyone-Jesus didn't, yet He is still God!
Be Blessed, my sista,
Cynthia ~Lady James~
At 8:26 PM,
Katrina L. Burchett said…
Hello ReShonda: I read the first book in your teen series not too long ago, and I really loved it! You are a very gifted writer and I certainly will buy more of your work, so keep dreaming and keep on writing!
At 9:21 PM,
Jane said…
Hi Reshonda I love your books and admire your writing style and your ability to keep it real when you're writing about the church folks. I recently visited your blog and read how people are hating on you and I just shook my head. Because I heard you say you write Christian friction and I thought about it. Alot of places that I wanted to submit Playin' Church to I couldn't because it was Christian friction and they didn't want any cuss words or any of the real issues that our writing tackles. You and I both know that Christians cuss and we all fall short sometimes. Why they don't want to except that is beyond me so we get talked about sometimes because we write from a real places of the soul that convicts most readers thats Playin' Church that talk a good game but can't live it. So I say kudos to us for telling the truth and shaming the devil through our writing. I would love to talk to you so you could give me some pointers in promoting my book in this industry. So keep up the good work because I hope to one day turn my novel into a stage play and a movie as well. I know your a busy woman so I pray that you'll respond to this email. I hope to hear from you soon and maybe we can work on some things in the near future. Visit me on my site at Realwordpress.com God bless!
At 11:16 AM,
bronya_lee said…
Hello Reshonda,
first I would like to say is "you go girl". I just started reading your books and let me tell you, they are wonderful. I started reading Everybody Say Amen and it was a page turner. I am on my second book, My Brother Keeper, and I can not put it down. I cant wait to read the rest of your books. Please keep up the good work.
At 11:16 AM,
bronya_lee said…
Hello Reshonda,
first I would like to say is "you go girl". I just started reading your books and let me tell you, they are wonderful. I started reading Everybody Say Amen and it was a page turner. I am on my second book, My Brother Keeper, and I can not put it down. I cant wait to read the rest of your books. Please keep up the good work.
At 2:08 PM,
Bria said…
Hello Reshonda, I just finished reading "Crabs in a Bucket",and all I have to say is let them "Haters HATE". Don't let them get a good sista down, or waste your energy on them. I say use that negiativity as a Stepping Stone to your success.
Sky's The Limit!!
At 1:31 PM,
Shadia Washington said…
It's amazing to me how people can make you feel guilty about your success. I am from a small town and both of my parents have done well for themselves. But some of my fathers relatives are "jealous" of our upbringing. We have heard from sources that we are spoiled and don't appreciate the things our father has done for us. We have never done anything to these people to make them say such ugly things. Now, this is supposed to be family. When you hear this stuff it stings at first but you let it go and give it to got because you know the truth. But your own family members are speading this awful information behind your back. Then smile in your face as if nothing is wrong. As I have gotten older, I have learned how to deal with ignorate people and their problems. Their only purpose is to make you feel as bad as they do. And I have to remind myself that everyday.
At 7:06 AM,
Dee S. said…
hey, Reshonda. When are you putting up some fresh content. lol
At 9:12 AM,
jmare said…
Hey Reshonda:
I have enjoyed your books so much. I am reading "Everybody Say Amen".
Every time I read your books I get really nostalgic, thinking about Houston. I recently moved so I have not adjusted very well to my new surroundings. But I was a member of a book club there in Houston and you actually came to one of our book club meetings. Oh! and by the way Reshonda, I read your Acknowledgement page and the paragraph for the "First Ladies", I think you may have spelled "Doris Ratcliffe", I used to be a member of Brentwood Baptist, and I think her name is spelled Doris Ratliff. I especially enjoyed seeing all of their names again, like I said I get very emotional when I read anything pertaining to Houston. Again, I love your books, keep on writing and I will keep on enjoying.
jmare
At 4:44 PM,
Traci said…
Hello Reshonda,
Major kudos to you for all of your accomplishments. You are truly an inspiration to me. I am in the process of (re)releasing my debut novel and it's sequel under my publishing company. All I can say is let the haters hate. And have joy in knowing that the love from your fans is more powerful! May God's favor continue to shine upon you!
Post a Comment
<< Home